Failure, Adversity and LXVI
Leadership Retreat has come and gone. Every year, NCC takes our small group and ministry leaders to a campground in Falling Waters, WV for a weekend where we attempt to pour into our leaders and cast vision for this coming year. It is absolutely a highlight of the NCC calendar.
This was the first year without Dave Clark and David Russell and thus I was set to oversee the truck loading and production setup and so on. Unfortunately, I could not possibly be more disappointed with myself. I dropped 2 or 3 balls on the truck loading leaving us with 1 dead projector, a couple Wal-Mart runs, and a lot of tension. I can’t even express how frustrated I still am with myself over it all. As someone who prides himself on “making things happen,” I really didn’t this year.
However, we blew a power breaker about 10 times as a result of the building’s age and the amount of gear we setup and try to run. This certainly added stress, but was a touch out of my control. We did the problem solving steps and so on, got it up and running, with one exception… the Mac Mini that was displaying our graphics and videos got severely damaged by the power issues.
Like, “literally doesn’t know what a .app file is” damaged. (That’s an application for those unfamiliar. Think .exe file.)
There’s something funny about adversity and greatness. The two go hand in hand. What I mean is that you only ever become great when you’re faced with adversity. Think of some of the greatest sports highlights you’ve seen; each one is founded on adversity. Buzzer beaters aren’t necessary unless you’re losing with seconds left on the clock. No one throws a hail mary when they’re up by two touchdowns in the second half.
I pulled off the video. The “how” isn’t really important, all that mattered was that the videos that Andy Pisciotti worked so hard on would be seen and that the words to the songs that Steph and the band slaved over in practice would be seen and sang by those who didn’t know them.
Last night, as we sat snowed in, a few people carried on about how amazing the job I did was. I smiled and thanked them for their kindness and their compliments, but was internally still deflated from my shortcomings on Friday. There’s another lesson here, I think. Not only does your adversity bring the best out of you, it is those moments that people will remember you by. No one is going to remember Willie Mays by his strikeouts or his errors. They’re going to remember Vic Wertz hitting a long ball to center field of the Polo Grounds and “Say Hey” making a catch that seemed impossible.
What I don’t know is how Willie remembers himself. How did he feel after that game? Was he thinking about “The Catch?” Or was he thinking about going 0-3? Because he did, in that very game. What went through his head that night at home?
I guess that’s what I’m wrestling with.
So as a perfectionist myself, I have often found myself in the place where other people see and comment on the “successes” I had and I just see the million things that I messed up or how I could have done better. The applause of everyone at that point doesn’t even matter to me at that point…but one way that God has totally broken me through that is in that He has shown me that it is totally my pride. I pride myself on getting it done, I pride myself on being capable, I pride myself on being excellent…for the Lord of course….but at the end of the day it is about me and it is about my pride and therein lies the cruxt of it all. Why do we do what we do? Is it really for God’s glory or is it for God’s glory AND to continue to help us feel like we are capable?
Matt Chandler was talking about his cancer in one of his video blogs and he was talking about all of the ways in which God was good in it. One way is the timing- that he found out he had cancer on the very week that they were to open their awesome new campus so he wasn’t there….and everything was fine…and God was glorified. It helped Chandler and the church to remember that it is not his thing, but His thing. Everything is about God’s glory.
J, be excellent. Strive to be better…there’s no excuse for complacency and laziness but remember (and this is obviously a reminder to me) that it is not about you…how well you did or didn’t do, what you screwed up but it’s about God and His glory and His edification and if in your imperfection others are pointed to him instead of the awesome job you did or didn’t do well then that is a successful weekend!
January 31st, 2010 | #
I appreciate your effort. I know the production levels didn’t meet your standards, but that is only because you have such high standards.Perfection is all that is acceptable. And what we get 52 weeks a year on weekends.
But we all know that sh*t happens. Stuff breaks. Old buildings can’t handle new equipment. Etc.
I know that as I reflected on the down projector, I had to extend grace to the production team. I was initially grumpy that the circuits weren’t tested and the projector run prior to the start of the first worship session. But then God reminded me that I couldn’t do anything to help the situation. I was simply feeling entitled. And that sometimes at work, even my best effort things don’t work out like I want them too. The best thing I could do is offer some grace to the team and move on.
After doing that, I was moved to a feeling of gratitude. We have 2 projectors. We have a great worship band and video production team. Some churches in America and around the world, would love to have what I was thinking was a screw up.
Would I have loved two projectors and more lights? Absolutely. But if we did, I wouldn’t have learned more about grace and gratefulness. And maybe that was the more important lesson.
January 31st, 2010 | #
This just sounds strikingly familiar to the Leadership Retreat I know so well! In fact, if you’d come back from this event with a glowing report of 100% perfection, I’d have asked you for a do-over.
Glad you and the team recovered. Make mental notes for next year. Swing for the fence when you are up to bat again.
Leadership Retreat is easily my favorite NCC event of the year. I wish I could have been there. Missy and I prayed for a successful event. (We also prayed that God would teach you patience. … Sounds like we can leave the last part out from here on.)
January 31st, 2010 | #